Dear Woman (Man?),
I am not sure what was going through your mind when you decided to leave your underwear on my bicycle outside of The Satellite last Saturday evening. I would like to know though, this was a very intriguing event in my life and has raised many question regarding morality and the art of decision making.
First and foremost I have to wonder if perhaps you soiled yourself, and didn’t want to pollute the streets — but that idea is limited by the fact that the underwear in question didn’t seem to have any soil marks on them. It is also interesting to note that these underwear were quite large, meaning that you must have been a fairly full bodied women. Did you take these off for the sole purpose of putting them on my bicycle? Perhaps you just found them on the ground and then placed them on my bicyle?
Was this some sort of archaic breeding exercise? Are you looking, perhaps, to gather some of the Good King Thor’s life in your pelvis? If that is the case, I must respectfully decline, The Good King already has a Queen, and although flattered is a word that could be used to describe his feelings, it’s simply not going to be a possibility.
Yet, it is still within the realm of a childish prank — yet a few things emerge that make this less plausible. First off, the people I was there with were all with me for the entirety of my stay, and I don’t usually spend a great deal of time with the type of people who would place their underwear, or someone else’s on my bicycle. Mostly because most of my friends are keen on hygiene, and would likely not pick up someone else’s underwear off the ground in order to execute a prank.
So, geez, I just don’t know. I can’t imagine what set of decisions would spark this result, and certainly can’t imagine a circumstance that this pair of underwear could have ended up where it did if this wasn’t a random event. Still, it’s questionable — if anyone has any clues, ideas, or perhaps even just an answer to how this large pair of black colored women’s underwear could have ended up strapped around my seat post, I would be happy to entertain any notions that you might be able to conjure up.
Sincerely,
King Thor
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