So, here in Thoronia we have been epically busy living life, running things into walls and making stories. So, we’ve been a bit out of date when it comes to our usual selection of reviews on stuff and things, comments about worlds and other various tidbits of information. So, we’ve compiled it all here into one post. Tons of reviews of things, pointless arguments and opinions about random stuff. Why? Because we are well aware that the Republic of Thoronia is your number one place for news and reviews, and you value our opinions far more than everyone else’s. Right? Break!
Dead Space
PS3/XBOX360
Rating: B-
The survival-horror genre is one that is desperately in need of a new IP. Dead Space offers games just that, albeit in a cliche and bland attempt at what could have been a great beginning. The press and media’s gushing aside, Dead Space is game that showcasing everything that can be both wrong and right at once. Excellent controls, a brutal a interesting supply of weapons and great (albeit great only in terms of a horror-sci-fi kind of way) story lead the way, while a terrible level design and bland creature selection hold it back. Dead Space is neither hard nor interesting to look at. Sure, bloody and gross things happen, jumps and startling twists, but the actual level design is remarkably boring. When I first heard complaints about this game being to linear, I wrote them off, these were just people interested in sand box play, right? No, this game is actually too linear — and not in the Zelda way were there is only one way to tackle a problem, it’s linear in the way that there is literally only one way to walk, one way to go, one way to make it all happen. At least in Zelda you are given the illusion of freedom, or, in some cases, there actually is more than one way to go about things. Even in Resident Evil 4, a remarkably linear game, the player is given a sense of control over their actions. Dead Space forces you through the level like water through a pipe, one conclusion. Oh, and the bosses are abysmally simple and easy to beat.
Far Cry 2
PS3/360/PC
Rating: B+
The chance of a sandbox game being perfect is still pretty slim, technology just isn’t there yet. But Far Cry tries its damndest to make sure the player can do just about whatever they want — and that includes setting shit on fire. Yep, fire. Fire that spreads and moves and all that jazz. Oh, and it puts you in the middle of an unnamed African country with a machete, a pistol and malaria and tells you to kill an untouchable arms dealer. Originally I expected the storyline to be a bit stronger and be more shaped by the players actions — but its not. That’s okay, I suppose, the action is great and the thought process that one has to go through when deciding how to get things taken care of is enough to keep the game interesting. One of these days I’d love to see a Fable/Far Cry/Fallout mesh were dynamic storytelling could actually be complimented by strong graphics AND great gameplay. Ah, dreams.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Blu-Ray/DVD
Rating: F
Dear Harrison Ford,
Please return the two hours of my life that you stole.
Dear Steven Spielberg,
Please return the two hours of my life that you stole and the money I wasted on my netflix subscription that brought this to me.
Dear George Lucas,
Please return the two hours of my life that you stole and and the money I wasted on my netflix subsciprion that brought this to me and the wages that were given to the postal worker that delivered to this to my door, the wages of the sorter at netflix, the pacager and manufacturer of the DVD as well as gaffer #4.
Dear Cate Blanchet,
WTF?
John Adams
DVD/HBO
Rating: A
I’m not going to lie, I’m a huge history dork, and right here, I’m offered an excellent tale about a man whom I knew nothing about regardless of the fact I’ve heard his name since elementary school. Well done, everyone, that’s all I have that hasn’t already been said.
Ugh, I was gonna talk about Resistance 2, Bob Dylan, Steinski and more too, but I’m just not feeling it right now.
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Gaffer #4, eh? I like that you look out for the little guy.
Well, I just feel so sorry for him, I mean, he probably saw the movie more than anyone — AND couldn’t do anything about how bad it was. I’ll tell you what though, I heard every stupid stupid line from that movie.