Hello Beastie Boys, this is your good friend Science.
Listen, we have a few things that we’re going to have to talk about. I understand that your song “Sounds of Science” is a rap hit, but I do still believe that you ought to try to maintain at least some portion of an understanding of science before writing a song about it.
I mean, first off, Galileo dropping oranges? He dropped a lot more than just oranges to prove his theory that objects of different weights fall at the same speed. It would be a benefit both to mankind and the science community if you could please mention that in the song. Perhaps the lyric could be amended like so: “Dropping science like Galileo dropped the orange and the apple and the rock, d-rop.” I think that has a much nicer ring to it than just orange.
All right, you also “drop” Benjamin Franklin, with the line “Ben Franklin with the kite gettin’ over with the key.” I understand that you are speaking of the now legendary experiment that Benjamin Franklin, your forefather, conducted using a kite with a key that established the link between lightning and electricity. I am, however, a tad bit confused as to what part of the experiment the line is referring to. It’s the “gettin’ over with the key” part that really kills me. It sounds sexual; I don’t believe that it is respectable to your forefathers to be saying sexual things about them. Perhaps it is merely something you kids say that I, Science, don’t understand, but I am seeking to understand the whole world and your little quips are getting in the way of my doing that.
Why do you connect smoking marijuana with being a scientist? Science does not condone this. So kids, study hard and do not smoke marijuana! You can still be a dope MC that “gots pegs through his hands,” or goes “berserk and worked and exploded.” That kind of thing can still happen when you work hard for Science!
And aside from that, I have to mention that Ponce de Leon was not a scientist; he was an explorer.
There is one last thing that I have to mention. I love the Beatles, all scientists do. Now throughout your supposed tribute to me, I hear you destroying Beatles records: The jet from “Back in the U.S.S.R.,” the guitar track from “The End,” the oboe from “When I’m 64,” the crowd noise and tuning sounds from “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band.” I mean, what the diddly-heck do you think you’re doing? Those songs are classic and should not be touched by your scratchy, drug-crazy hands. The Beatles, now they knew how to respect me. You seem to have a lot of information incorrect, referencing history and SUVs, McDonald’sand drug culture, sneakers and sex, but you only pay tribute to a few scientists.
In the end, I think we can work this out, but it’s going to take a lot of work, for I am not very forgiving. I can wreak havoc on you with a deadly virus and if you don’t watch out; I might take out your precious Tibet as well.
Thanks for listening, I hope we can keep up our friendly and working relationship.
Your friend,
Science
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