This was deemed to strange for the publication I usually write for. What do you think?
Pop songs aren’t known for their efficiency in resolving stories. Often times they’ll introduce an idea and never flesh it out. Truth be told, far too often we’re left wondering what ever happened and it’s this wonderment that has caused us to finish out some of these stories.
Case in point, we’ve always wondered what exactly happened to Jon Bon Jovi, who in 1986 publically declared himself to be “wanted dead or alive” by an entity he never names.
We are going to assume then the entity in question is another cowboy faction, perhaps a group of bounty hunters, maybe the government. But what did Bon Jovi do to cause this rebel status? The information we have gives little information: we are aware he is a cowboy and because of historical fact we know cowboys are often times wanted for actions such as looting trains, shoot outs in the street and drinking whiskey in saloons.
However, Mr. Bon Jovi doesn’t appear to be involved in any murder as he only walks around with a six-string on his back. He does however note the fact he has seen a million faces and rocked every single on of them. Could this be the deed that caused his wanted poster to erupt across the west? Perhaps it’s the fact he had invented a system for telling the day of the week by what type of bottle he’s drinking out of?
The most compelling evidence we’ve unearthed from years of research lead us to believe Jon Bon Jovi himself wasn’t actually a wanted criminal but rather his steel horse was the culprit. For those unaware, he doesn’t travel by the traditional cowboy appliance of a horse, but rather a steel horse. This horse is a steam-powered horse with red eyes that shoot lasers and a tail that turns into a shotgun.
As chronicled in the song, Bon Jovi goes days without sleep. This can cause a delusional state, a state in which he may have been unaware of the activity his steel horse was taking part in: killing prostitutes. Because of his relationship with the horse, authorities pinned these murders on him and subsequently he was forced to ride all night just to get back to his homestead.
Contrary to popular belief, this case was actually resolved in Johnson v Bon Jovi in Twobit, Nevada. It took some real digging to find the core of the story here, as it seems Bon Jovi himself might have destroyed many of the documents.
Court record prove when brought up to the witness stand, Bon Jovi, drunk on Tuesday, described his lack of sleep and his ability to only “play for keeps” to a panel of his peers. Sympathetic but unforgiving the jury was nearly ready to hand out the verdict of guilty when the steel horse stormed the courtroom and attempted to murder the jury. With a quick and steady resolve, Bon Jovi himself took his own horse down.
The charges were dropped and he was once again free to rock the faces of millions across the globe. In a public statement he later apologized for the actions of his horse stating, “We weren’t born to follow, we have to stand up for what we believe.”
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Strange? Why yes, yes it is. Pretty damn funny nonetheless.