The Republic of Thoronia

1. “The Pre-Primary Campaign (The System Boots)” – 0:23

• • I. Front Runners – For upon these men and women the media shall rest its hopes. If chosen wrongly, we shall suffer. If chosen right, may the angels sing blessings upon the world.

2. “Primaries & Caucuses, Caucuses & Primaries” – 16:56

• • I. Iowa – The decider of fates, the revolution begins with you, dear Iowa. Dear Iowa, you have decided our fate, it appears that we’ll sit back and wait, we’ll wait for another date.
    II. Texas and Ohio – McCain is now in the light, so stand up and fight you know we are right.
    III. Stripping Florida and Michigan* – Keyboard solo
    IV. April through June (The Dance of the Giant Hogweed) – Change is for freedom. Freedom. Change. Freedom. Change. Change. Change.

3. “Conventional Partiers throw a Party Convention” – 7:43

• • I. Constitution and Libertarian (Slow and awful builds)
  • II. Green (Handclaps and timeouts)
    III. Reform (Drum solo)
  • IV. Democratic (Climax)
    V. Republican (and Surprise)

4. “The Running of Mates (VEEP-EM&WEAP)” – 3:25

• • I. Biden – Brother to our Zeus, for Biden we shall yield, yield down to our Poseidon of the sea.
    II. Palin – Our Palin, penicillin to your needs. She is Robin to our Batman, she is here to save the day.

5. “A Lively Debate?” – 9:34

• • I. O v M (Warm acoustic guitar)
    II. B v P (Mellotron solo)
    III. O v M (Interlude)
    IV. O v M (Start growing the Campaign Beards)

6. “Swinging States Like Pendulums” – 19:26

• • I. Oh, Colorado – Counting on a state with four right angles.
  • II. It’s True That Florida Matters – Black Matter/Real Fodder.
  • III. Michi-Can – And will decide.

*Theremin accompaniment thanks to Roberta McCain.

All Music Composed By: CAMPAIGN 2008

Played By: The ’08 Players.

Barack Obama: Organ, Mellotron, Piano, Flute, Vibes, Vocals

John McCain:  Bass, Guitar, Maverick, Vocals

Sarah Palin: Guitars, Vocals backing

Joe Biden: Drums, Lead vocal on “Michi-Can”

Guests:

Mike Huckabee: Bass on “Front Runners”

Rudy Giuliani: Conga Drums on “Stripping Florida and Michigan”

Mitt Romney: Percussion on “April through June”

Hillary Clinton: Flute and Backing Vocals on “April through June”

John Edwards: Trombone and Tenor Sax on “Vice-President’s Named”

Vocal Choir on “Swinging States Like Pendulums”: Chris Dodd, Dennis Kucinich, Bill Richardson, Duncan Hunter, Ron Paul, Tom Tancredo, Fred Thompson Tommy Thompson, Ralph Nader, Bob Barr, Charles Baldwin, Cynthia McKinney, Alan Keyes, Gloria La Riva, Brian Moore

Comment on the *ahem* original post here please.

Via [Westword]

Wow, what an uneventful day. It seems like Denver prepared us all ten-fold for the DNC, but only three folds worth of protesters showed up, and nobody is downtown. Today Denver metro looked more like the day after Thanksgiving than being in the midst of the biggest convention this town has ever seen. So, where are all the protesters? Scared? Unlikely. In jail? Only a 100 or so so far. Oh, right, they’re all incredibly unorganized! Of course! I’ve been bashing protesters here all week, so forgive me for another, it’s not that I don’t believe in the rights of free speech, or being liberal with idea’s, but when you are going to protest something, combine your forces. Too many different agenda’s have come to Denver and none of them are getting their point across.

There is also the matter of lying. Someone in Denver is lying. 9 News? NPR? The protesters? Whose getting tear gassed, pepper-sprayed and beaten seems to be getting lost in the shuffle. There is one report of an officer hitting a girl from Make Love Not War, confirmed. The rest (the tear gassing at least) seems to be getting confused. Was there tear gas on Monday night? Protesters say yes, cops say yes, media says maybe and the medics say no… and some of them say yes. Have you ever been tear gassed? I have (albeit when the Avalanche won the Stanley Cup, so, not cool like I was at the WTO protests or something) and its not really a confusing matter. You know when it happens, and although it doesn’t really hurt, it confuses you enough that it ought to stand out in your memory.

So, we don’t really know whats going on unless we’re there. I am not there, I don’t want to be there, I don’t care. I have too much to do. But with all the cop bashing and security threats I feel like I have to weigh in on a detail that might get me thrown out of whatever protester circles I might be known in. I feel sorry for the officers. I really do. These men and women are working long hours, in blazing heat, wearing all black uniforms that look as though they weigh 20-30 pounds. That doesn’t sound like fun, and if they get a little pissy at the end of their 16 hour day and lose a bit of their edge, I can’t blame them. Certainly they need to exercise a bit of self-control, but when some pink clad anarchist mumbo-jumbo is spitting in your face and calling you a pig, throwing bottles and cans, it’s inevitable that eventually there is going to be chaos. Of course, that might just be what everyone wants, chaos and the loss of control. Protester’s win, because they can go home and tell a story, whine about it on myspace, and complain about court fees. Cops win because they can make use of some really sweet new gear they got for this event. It’s a win-win.

Personally, I’ll be at home doing homework and playing video games.

Songs for the (avoidance) of the DNC

As the Democratic National Convention starts really sticking its claws into the city, mixtapes and protest songs are popping up everywhere. But what are those of us on the “meh” side of the political spectrum supposed to do? Especially all of us being forced into it by our work or home’s proximity to downtown. What are we going to listen while New York Times journalists blog away their days at Starbucks?

Abba – “Another Town, Another Train”
Taking a trip on the train will be a new occurrence to many, as parking will be impossible in downtown. “I guess (you’ll) be spending life in railway stations.” But at least you can look back on the DNC and remember that “Nothing lost and nothing gained.”

Cee-Lo/Goodie Mob – “Cell Therapy”
While you’re walking home or taking the bus, you might come across some protest pens filled with grizzled Braveheart-looking youngsters looking ready for action. But don’t worry, they’re in their cells, but Cee-Lo still asks the question, “Who’s that peeking in my window?” Don’t worry, it’s just a reporter from Slate.com.

Dismemberment Plan – “Come Home”
The opening line, “Called in sick to work today, couldn’t have gotten a damn thing done,” sounds like your life eh? Too bad you couldn’t call in sick since all the smart people took the week of the DNC off months ago. Sucker.

I’m from Barcelona – “Chicken Pox”
There are a lot of songs in this world that just need a few changes and all the sudden they are about something else. All you really need to do is change the title of this song to “DNC,” and the line, “As a kid I had the chicken pox… and I don’t ever want to go through that again,” to “As a kid I was at the DNC…” It’s a good thing you can’t have it once you had it, right?

Elton John – “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word”
If you happen to be caught in between any of the “shit” then you might find yourself searching for an apology, either from the officer who nabbed you with a gelatinous spider web (they have those right?) or from the protestor who accidently covered your pearl white power suit in a urine bomb… just remember, it might never come, after all, “sorry seems to be the hardest word.”

George Harrison – “All Things Must Pass”
Are smoke bombs, long lines at Jamba Juice and traffic jams getting you down? Fret not, George Harrison has your mantra, “it’s not always going to be this way, all things must pass, all things must pass away.”

The Pinups – “Lookin’ For Boys”
You know what a lot of journalists and politicians are? Boys! So get on you bikini and “go lookin’ around, east side, west side, all over town.” Girls, now is your time – take those rich gonzo boys for all they got, fries and burgers galore!

Bruce Haack – “National Anthem to the Moon”
So the U.S. is where you live, but that doesn’t mean you have to sing that silly national anthem and be proud during the convention. Nope, you can sing along to Bruce Haack’s own anthem with lines like, “Love me now, before you have to go away… Nothing stays the same and things are changing every day, make it now while we have time to make it all the way.” Now if that isn’t a definition of “change” I don’t know what is.

Justice – “D.A.N.C.E.”
You ever notice that if you were to try to pronounce DNC it would come out “dance?” Yeah, that’s right, maybe it’s just the media coverage seeping into by water-blogged brain, but I’m pretty sure this song says, “Easy as ABC, do the DNC.” Just remember, “black or white it doesn’t matter… whatever happens, do the DNC.”

Tom Waits – “What’s He Building?”
Many of us haven’t had a chance to see what’s going on inside the Pepsi Center, which leaves us begging the question, “What the hell is he building in there? He has subscriptions to those magazines, he’s hiding things from the rest of us… what about all those packages he send?” So Obama, what are you building in there? Not a playhouse for the children that’s for sure, “change,” perhaps?

What?

So last night we get our first taste of “violence.”Blah blah blah the usual, “they started it,” “no, they started it” hubbub that resulted in a few arrests and no injuries. Maybe improv demonstrations es no bueno eh? Or maybe they are hardcore… Look at their cool masks.

(Rocky Mountain News)

But if you’re going to argue with the police you should really have the force on your side…

Or at least these guys…

(Cyclejerks)

Over at Cyclejerks Jen stepped it up a notch with quite a few photos — certainly nice and bike-centric for those of us on them (which is most of us indeed if I counted heads right yesterday, or how many toes were run over by arrogant/non-riding/dingus brains whom are trying ride downtown for the first time, on the sidewalk, during a protest, with people everywhere). Blarg.

Anyway, check out her Flikr gallery here. Catch her twitter feed here. And don’t forget out twitter too.

My favorite quote from yesterday didn’t come from protester’s and their mispelled signs, not from Brian Williams or Gumbel, not from Koppel or Arakawa — but from the police. In an interview with NPR regarding a package thought to be bad: “It is standard procedure to blow up all suspicious packages.” !!! Standard procedure!!! Man, I never get invited to the cool parties.

Yep, here we are, DNC day one. First day of grad school too. Ugh. Anyway, day one has provided us with many hilarious anecdotes, and although I will let you see the “streets” of Denver in pictures and on your own, I have to share some of my own thoughts on the whole thing.

First and foremost, protester’s are probably the most idiotic bunch of people on the planet. Whether you’re pro-baby-killing-fetus-eating-Obama-liquor-riots-anarchy-gayness-whatever-else or not, that doesn’t mean you have the right to look like a ‘tard, a cosplay reject, an anime character and an overall douchbag. Yep, Rage Against the Machine hasn’t changed shit, why do you think you’re going to? ‘68? Right, that was all you. The point is, your baby-fetus van is stupid, pro-lifers, get a life — your “masks” anarchists? Make you look ridiculous and somehow lowers your intelligence 50 points (especially when its on a 15 year old Highlands Ranch kid that shops at Hot Topic and eats too many Rice Krispy Treats because they’re supposedly vegan). Anarchists? You look like you should be at an Anime festival, not a protest.

And more? Well, the riot cops were nice to me.  A riot girl smiled at me when I walked past. Probably because I’m so darn awesome — or perhaps because I’m under 30 and not wearing all black with a Star Wars haircut and a Braveheart underarm stench. Regardless, eventless, thus far. Photos!