August 13th, 2008 §
Yep, Denver is gearing up hardcore for Convention goers, journalists, and all other kinds of unsavory characters that will soon be invading our city. And you know what? Well, they want to give something back to us, the community that is putting this whole charade on. We get some handy dandy new bike lanes to keep us safer than ever when we’re peddling to and from/for work. Gee whiz Denver, thanks from all of us for our future broken bones, busted bikes and brain blisters!
Doesn’t this bike lane on 18th just look like the safest thing you’ve ever seen?
Now if this isn’t a completely new definition of the word “safe” I don’t know what is!
Now, don’t label me an anarchist or protestor or anything, but, well, aren’t those just pictures of bikes painted on car lanes to make it look like we’re a more bike friendly city than we are? And aren’t the handlebars on the bikes on backwards?
August 11th, 2008 §
Hey there,
Did you know that many of the Thoronian’s are based in Denver, Colorado? It’s true, and many of us are combining our forces to bring you comprehensive coverage of the Democratic National Convention.. from the outside of them. You see, we’re not politicians, Democrats, or, for that matter, important or passionate enough to get into the convention, so for us, well, we get to deal with the silliness that happens outside. Our poor little Denver, uprooted and moved to a National stage, while the rest of us are just trying to do our damn jobs. We’ve already gotten in contact with the folks over at Cycle Jerks, whom will be providing us with a few live tweets and photos (as well as other Bicycle Messengers who get to deal with the blunt sword of the police as well as “new” laws, rules and bike lanes), a Copy Center Manager (who travels to work via bicycle via the Cherry Creek path, i.e. right in the midst of where EVERYONE who gets their free bike for week will be), retail workers (OMG did Barrack Obama send someone to buy the new Coldplay for him! WTFDHDTNROTBA (Why the fuck didn’t he just download the new Republic of Thoronia Band album?), machinery delivery personel, and myself, a mild mannered Medical Records Clerk looking for lunch.
Running up to the events (August 25th-28th), we’ll cover some of the ways Denver has miraculously changed (new bike lanes appearing where car lanes used to be/still are, city streets being cleaned… for a massive amount of people to dirty again, new laws being enforced, security checkpoints, inside the Pepsi Center Parking lot and more).
Anyone else that works downtown or close to it should get in touch with me if you’re interested in eavesdropping on blogger’s Macbook’s, hotel conversations or sexy John Edwards extramarital meetings (Celebrity spotters need too!).
May 23rd, 2008 §
This has been a groundbreaking and altogether interesting election process, but the music, as per usual, is bland – do presidential candidates listen to music? Do we really want to elect someone without knowing their tastes? You could all win my vote if you switched some things up.
Barrack Obama
“Would Be Killer” by Gnarls Barkley: Poor old Barrack, he’s trying to change the world, make things better, but just can’t seal the deal. He can’t take Clinton down. Well Barrack, you were a “Would be Killer,” but now you’re just as on the fence as everyone else.
“You Know I’m No Good” by Ghostface Killah:I believe the line, “You need to just walk away like Kelly Clarkson,” sums this one up nicely. Or maybe, “You had to be a nasty girl and you tried to play me… I knew you was trouble when I first laid eyes on you… I had to roll up my sleeves and hunt you down.” You ever notice how Obama always has his sleeves rolled up? Yeah.
More
Via [Westword]
March 11th, 2008 §
As we all are well aware, election season is on. Because fo this we are all excited and weary of a few things – and for many of us one particular event could strip away our ability to live in America forever. That thing is Hillary Clinton and the event is her possible persuasion of the superdelegates. Its entirely possible that the vote could be heading toward Obama before suddenly taking a shift and sliding into Hillary’s rear end as she cobbles and construes the superdelegates to her side – we can’t be sure, we’ll never know what she has done or what she is doing, and we won’t know what Obama has been doing either. So, in an effort to clear up this confusion, I’ve included a short synopsis of what the superdelegates are doing at this very moment (because they all hang out together, duh).
“Whatcha’ doin there Jimbo? Drinking martini’s and hanging out by the pool?”
“Yep, I reckon’ that’s there what I’m a’doin.”
“Yep. That’s mighty helpful.”
“I reckon so.””So who’s you gonna be votin’ for in the upcoming e-lection wit yer super vote?”
“Oh well, I dunno, I s’ppose it’ll be whosever gives the most promises ’bout me aunts and uncles gittin’ da’ health cares.”
“Yep, I s’ppose that’ll be mine thinkin’ too, but I reckon’ I’d bring up whoever promises me some BMW’s an’ I reckon’ I’d like sumin’ to git my loggin’ bill through real quick like.”
“Yeah, say you’d like a martini? Comin’ join me by the pool.”
“Okay.”
“Yep, let’s massage us’selves with diamonds and vote fer whosever the people wanna’s’to.”
“Nah, let’s vote fer whoever promises us the best stuff.”
“Nah c’mon now, let’s votefertheonewhothepeoplewannasto!”
[45 minutes later]
“Yep, well, okay we’ll go ahead and vote fer the Dr. Doom.”
“Yeah, I like the Dr. Doom.”
