The Republic of Thoronia

Super Ants Attack Houston — Yep, super ants. They use their dead to build bridges over pesticide, have multiple queens and are destroying electronics. Take that Sylvester Stallone!

Chinese realize censorship is bad, or at least that they can’t control it… — The recent earthquake in Central China has given us some terrifying images. Suprisingly, the Chinese government hasn’t tried to hold back a nation that boasts being the leader in owners of cell phones, digital cameras and other gadgetlike do-hickeys.

Toyota tries to show Honda’s Asimo whose boss – Fails, because nothing is cooler than Asimo.

For those worried about zombie related injuries – Wired has a wiki-how to for you. Go! Get out! Hurry!

Neil Young gets a spider named after him — A biologist at East Carolina University has named a trapdoor spider Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi. I’ve always thought Neil Young’s strange hair was a little spider like.

Myspace wins Spam lawsuit — I’m sure that we’ll all get a piece of that financial pie. No?

Cyclists take to freeway — Proof that cyclists can have hard heads some times. But, you know, proves that gridlocked traffic sucks too.

Decemberists prove they’re smart by opening up for… Obama? – Yep, now even indie bands have a say. Didn’t the Canadian act Arcade Fire do the same thing? Well, at least the Decemberists can vote in America. Of course, they don’t help Obama’s struggle with the working class, being the slightly pretentious college educated folk that they are. But they do up the adorability factor of Obama’s campaign.

Don’t worry, the Scarlett Johanson album is terrible – I mean really really really really really really really really really really really bad. Even if you don’t like Tom Waits you’ll be offended. It’s even produced by one fo the guys from TV on the Radio, has some famous people like some guy named Nik Zinner and some flamboyant guy named David Bowie doing stuff — but guess what? You can’t stop a piece of shit from stinking by adding more crap to it!

King Thor was going to start recording on Sunday — And realized that he was missing a power chord. Boo-urns. Don’t fret though! The recording starts today. Geffen Records here I come!

Why haven’t I done this yet? Thorin loves making lists and such, right? So why not make a list of how he’s feeling right now? Shut up. I didn’t think of it till just now. I mean, I was too busy looking for a job to make some list. Anyway – Songs for the unemployed, songs for the working. 

• “Working Class Hero” – John Lennon
  • John Lennon’s ballad in ode to those of us (re: not me) that work for a living. Something that I’m sure he doesn’t remember all that well — not to say that music isn’t work, just that it isn’t the same type of thing. But we can ignore that and simply rock out eh?
• “The River” – Bruce Springsteen
  • Okay this song is mostly about something else, but the lines, “I got a job working for the Johnstown Company/But lately there ain’t been much work on account of the economy” rings more true today then it did then.
• “Flint (For The Unemployed And Underpaid)” –  Sufjan Stevens
  • Although Sufjan Stevens is always making songs about himself, even when he’s trying to ode to whomever — the lines “Since the first of June/Lost my job/Lost my room” are still thoughful.
• “I Can’t Wait to Get Off Work (And See My Baby On Montgomery Avenue)” –  Tom Waits
  • Tom Waits has had a lot of jobs in his life, and credit to this one for naming th eworst attributes of all of them — and bonus points for using the word “copacetic.” I love Tom Waits because you can find one of his songs for nearly any type of theme mix.
• “(Antichrist Television Blues)” – The Arcade Fire
  • The Arcade Fire is taking a cue from punk bands of old as they chant on, “I don’t want to work in a building downtown.” It’s true, when you work in one of the buildings downtown the most exciting aspect of the day is when you go to lunch at Chili’s.
• “Working In A Coalmine” – Devo
  • “When the work day is over/I’m too tired to have some fun.” Man, that sounds painfully familiar. Stupid bike courier job.
• “This Place” – Descendents*
  • This song actually reminds me a lot when I worked at Secondspin. Maybe even when I worked for Denver/Boulder — “This place sucks/I haven’t found a single friend in three long years.” I played this on my last day for the last song when I worked at Secondspin. It was great.
• “Career Opportunities” – The Clash
  • I was always a fan of the line, “I won’t open letter bombs for you.” Mostly because I really like the picture of Joe Strummer standing with goggles and tongs opening letters while the Queen of England stand over him looking over his shoulder.
• “Steelworker” – Big Black
  • “See I’m a steelworker/ I kill what I eat.” Nuff’ said.
• “Clocked In” – Black Flag*
  • I’ve been unemployed long enough to find sympathy in the opening lines of “Clocked In,” “I tried to apply/ I can’t get loose/My day is to myself/Put my brain in a noose”
• “I Pity the Poor Immigrant” – Angels Of Light/Akron Family
  • Hmm… Michael Gira scares me a little bit.
• “There Is Power In A Union”  – Billy Bragg
  • Good old fashion working man’s song. Get with the union! 
• “Uptown” — Crystals*
  • Talking about how her man can work uptown and come home for some good lovin’… or something. I don’t actually know.
• “Step Into My Office, Baby” — Belle & Sebastian
  • Okay, this song is about something else — but it can be applied to work. 
• “Spoken For Mix” – DJ Shadow
  • This is part of the soundtrack to the movie Dark Days — which if you’ve seen you understand why its here.
• “Invisible Man” – Public Enemy
  • Hmm, Public Enemy, always so happy to be tackling issues and such.
• “Clockwork” – Blackalicious
  • See, you can be a rapper for a job!
• “Protect Ya Neck” – Wu-Tang Clan
  • I honestly don’t remember why I put this on here now… oh well, I’m sure it applies.
• “Sixteen Tons” –Tennessee Ernie Ford
  • This is one of my favorite country songs of all time. And it’s pretty obvious why its on the list.
• “9 to 5? – Dolly Parton
  • Also obvious. It’s about working, ya’ know. From 9 to 5. Except that is easy, not a day is 8 to 5 or longer. Way to go America.
• “Maggie’s Farm” – Bob Dylan
  • “I ain’t gone a-work on Maggie’s farm, no more…”
• “Factory” – Bruce Springsteen
  • What, I can put two Springsteen songs a mix about UNEMPLOYMENT AND WORKING. It’s Bruce Springsteen, who else sings about this stuff all the time?
• “Oney” –  Johnny Cash
  • The first time I ever heard this song I was actually at work. It made my frustrating day so much better.
• “Bill Morgan and His Gal (My Name is Morgan But It Ain’t J.P.)” – The New Lost City Ramblers
  • A good working man finds himself a wife that wants to buy buy buy.
• “Marie” – Townes Van Zandt
  • This is the most fitting and perfect song for this mix.
• “Poor Places” –  Wilco
  • This one is a bit of a stretch, but nothing says unemployment like the line, “I’m not going outside.”
• “Work Is a 4 Letter Word” –The Smiths
  • And that 4 letter word is… “work.”
• “Plea from a Cat Named Virtute” – Weakerthans
  • I’m not sure what the Weakerthans are actually going for with this tune, but describing a cat is likely describing a lonely, bored, unemployed dude who’s unsure whether he even want to get up every day let alone do anything.
• “I Ain’t Got No Home in This World Anymore” – Woody Guthrie
  • This just seemed like the best way to end this mix.

It is (mostly) available for download via iTunes here.

I’ll just link back to imeem.com when I can for the time being.

*These songs are missing from the imeem.com stream of the playlist — don’t bash the free streaming service, they’re doing their best.

Here is a short story that is made up about 10 random spam comments spliced together. No editing has taken place. Please be weary of its non-sensicalness and absurdity. I think it’s my favorite story ever.

Unnecessary quantity of gold and silver must, in Thoronia, be exercised only. Which can given King the command of more labour, and of a greater quantity of the merchant of whom he purchases goods, and thereby enables him to continue his countries and the value of those metals, their proportion to all these things, and consider what a variety of labour is employed about and silver which we can afford to purchase or to employ, either which sells for half an ounce of silver at Canton, may there be really tillage, than any other law in the statute book. It is from this turned away from guarding against the exportation of gold and corn is likely to be forestalled, that is, bought up in order to generally be willing to do so, and even for a good deal less to others who often live in a very distant part of the country. How much in his neighbourhood? But neither the bounty, it is evident, nor of that amount. In this state of things, and during the continuance of any would soon return again, of its own accord. Abroad, it could sell only for its weight in bullion.

H. Klinton vs. Obama. How you consider, who will win elections in Unated States of America?

As we all are well aware, election season is on. Because fo this we are all excited and weary of a few things – and for many of us one particular event could strip away our ability to live in America forever. That thing is Hillary Clinton and the event is her possible persuasion of the superdelegates. Its entirely possible that the vote could be heading toward Obama before suddenly taking a shift and sliding into Hillary’s rear end as she cobbles and construes the superdelegates to her side – we can’t be sure, we’ll never know what she has done or what she is doing, and we won’t know what Obama has been doing either. So, in an effort to clear up this confusion, I’ve included a short synopsis of what the superdelegates are doing at this very moment (because they all hang out together, duh).  

“Whatcha’ doin there Jimbo? Drinking martini’s and hanging out by the pool?”

“Yep, I reckon’ that’s there what I’m a’doin.”

“Yep. That’s mighty helpful.”

“I reckon so.””So who’s you gonna be votin’ for in the upcoming e-lection wit yer super vote?”

“Oh well, I dunno, I s’ppose it’ll be whosever gives the most promises ’bout me aunts and uncles gittin’ da’ health cares.”

“Yep, I s’ppose that’ll be mine thinkin’ too, but I reckon’ I’d bring up whoever promises me some BMW’s an’ I reckon’ I’d like sumin’ to git my loggin’ bill through real quick like.”

“Yeah, say you’d like a martini? Comin’ join me by the pool.”

“Okay.”

“Yep, let’s massage us’selves with diamonds and vote fer whosever the people wanna’s’to.”

“Nah, let’s vote fer whoever promises us the best stuff.”

“Nah c’mon now, let’s votefertheonewhothepeoplewannasto!”

[45 minutes later]

“Yep, well, okay we’ll go ahead and vote fer the Dr. Doom.”

“Yeah, I like the Dr. Doom.”