The Republic of Thoronia

So, I’m still getting bludgeoned over the head with work from other places, including one new place that pays extra nice in comparison to what I’m doing nowadays. That’ll be linked to later however, so for now, here are a few things from the local, including one incredibly out of date article. Hilariously, Recast is getting people incredibly upset which tends to be my accidental forte. Regardless, I enjoy recasting movie soundtracks that I think are shit, and frankly, find it amusing when people get all into it as well. People tend to be unable to separate a song from a moment in a film, regardless of how ill-fitting it may be. In the case of Blade Runner I was merely adding a soundtrack, one that regardless of the array of negative comments, I still feel would be an excellent addition to the film.

Ten Band-Inspired Costume Ideas:

Halloween, the time when adults decide to don their favorite witty getups, whether it be the intellectual “Freudian slip” or the pop culture driven “Christian Bale Yelling.” We’re sure some of you are short on ideas, so we’ve compiled a list of band inspired costumes to wear to your favorite party. So then, what are you going to be…

Recast: What the Ghostbusters 2 Soundtrack Should Have Been:

Last Recast, we looked at film with an excellent score and added some licensed music to spice it up with mixed results. This time around we’ll look at one of the arguably worst licensed soundtracks of any film, Ghostbusters 2. Now, keep in mind, we’re not saying we don’t appreciate Randy Edelman’s score here but the soundtrack is such a ugly sign of its times it’s in need of some serious work. This is Recast, in which we appoint ourselves soundtrack supervisors of existing films…

Recast: What the Blade Runner Soundtrack Could Have Been:

Movie soundtracks have the ability to create mood and atmosphere in an interesting way when utilized properly. Changing or adding to a soundtrack is a way to create a completely new experience. Blade Runner is one of the greatest science fiction movies of all time but the soundtrack has always felt a bit lacking. Although the film doesn’t feature any licensed music, that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t have. Even though these proposed changes would dramatically change the mood of the film, we’ve got a few suggestions for where Ridley Scott could have ditched the Vangelis score in favor of some less ambient music. Welcome to the inaugural edition of our latest feature, Recast, in which we appoint ourselves as soundtrack supervisors for an existing film…

In the vein of Chuck Klosterman’s “game” of “what movie represents a band?” we here in Thoronia have decided to do the same thing, thinking about what games are movies, you know, like to compare Left 4 Dead to Dawn of the Dead… listen, it’ll make sense once we get started, and we’re way overdue for a list.

1. Fallout 3 makes us think of A Boy and His Dog.
2. Little Big Planet makes us think of Juno.
3. NHL 09 makes us think of Slapshot.
4. Far Cry 2 makes us think of Blood Diamond.
5. Tex Murphy (any) makes us think of Blade Runner.
6. Dead Space makes us think of Alien.
7. Gears of War makes us think of 300… in the future (or Last Action Hero).
8. Half-Life (1 and 2) makes us think of V for Vendetta.
9. Bioshock makes us think of Alphaville.
10. Grand Theft Auto IV makes us think of Eastern Promises.
11. Mirror’s Edge makes us think of Rollerball (or Logan’s Run).
12. Deus Ex makes us think of The Matrix.
13. Syndicate makes us think of Battle Royale.
14. Metal Gear Solid 4 makes us think of Rambo (IV).
15. Super Mario Bros. makes us think of Running Man.
16. Relentless makes us think of the Prisoner.
17. Resident Evil makes us think of 28 Days Later.
18. Grim Fandango makes us think of Casablanca.
19. Tetris makes us think of Schizopolis.
20. Oblivion makes us think of Lord of the Rings.
21. Mass Effect makes us think of Gattaca.
22. System Shock 2 makes us think of Apocalypse Now.
23. Burnout series makes us think of Days of Thunder.
24. X-Com makes us think of Sphere.
25. Portal makes us think of Cube.
26. Super Mario Bros. 2 makes us think of Being John Malkovich.
27. No More Heroes makes us think of Kill Bill.
28. Full Throttle makes us think of Easy Rider.
29. Conker’s Bad Fur Day makes us think of South Park: The Movie.
30. Ecco the Dolphin makes us think of The Day of the Dolphin.

Hmm… lot of Sci-Fi. Got more?

We are all aware that when ideas, movements, movies and books are taken to the ice capades, the world suddenly becomes a little lighter, a little happier, and little slicker. Think Rick Wakeman’s Arthuron Ice, The 1980 “Miracle on Ice,” or, my personal favorite Mario On Ice (starring Alyssa Milano and Jason Bateman, yeah, the Jason Bateman from Arrested Development, I’m not kidding, watch the video). Anyway, it got me thinking, what other amazing moments in history and film could be transcribed to the “on ice” format?

• Blade Runner on Ice – Okay, I’m sure that Harrison Ford wouldn’t be willing to star in this, but he might be willing to lend his voice. The philosophical questions that the films raises, humanity, moral and ethical codes — this could all be solved on ice. Imagine the scene with Deckard chasing after Roy, when he gets knocked into the pole and is hanging their in a crucified pose… now cue spinning pole as it lights up with glitter and Roy delivers his monologue while spinning around — Deckard pacing back and forth, anxious for it all to end. That’d be classic. Then, at the end of the capade a giant oragami unicorn can skate out (like four people inside it) and deliver the a final song about empathy and humanity and teach us all a lesson in what it means to be a human being (and maybe answer that pesky riddle of whether Deckard was a replicant or not).
• Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream Speech” on Ice — What do you mean offensive? This is an inspiration speech and things that are inspiration are always better “on ice.” You could even change the words slightly, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by their ice skating abilities.” See, it works great — then you could have the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners skate onto the ice together, hand in hand, singing, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank ice almighty we are free to skate at last!”
• Bosnian Genocide on Ice — If any moment in history demands to be put “on ice” its the Bosnian Genocide. I mean, this is already in a cold mountain town, so why not shed light on the Serb’s choice to ethnically cleanse the people of Srebrenica, on ice! You could have a section in where the ghosts of Lenin, Columbus and Mao come in and high-five each other while the people of Sarajevo chant “Whoops, didn’t mean to get noticed…” 
• Mars Volta’s Frances the Mute on Ice — Supposedly this is some type of concept album, or at least it’s a continual story — something to do with an audio technician finding a diary about an adopted kid looking for their parents, then the album was “based” on that. Based, that is, on the ludicrious brain map of Cedric Bixler-Zavala. If his lyrics make sense to you, then you are a serious fanboy that needs to get out of the house more often and ride you bicycle while listening to Led Zeppelin. Anyway, Frances the Mute on ice would go something like this: Man in cape plays keyboard and guitar while Cedric talks about “My nails peel back/When the taxidermist ruined/Goose stepped the freckling impatience/All the brittle tombs/Five hundred little q’s/I’m splitting hairs to/Match the faces.” The ice skaters, or capaders, would skate aimlessly around while the audience vomitted all over themselves.
• Battleship Potemkin on Ice — Sergei Einstein’s 1925 classic is likely to be looked over by kids and young adults as being: boring, silent, old. So why not update the classic tale of Bolshevik rebellion against a Tsarist regime by putting it on ice? The revolutionary “The Odessa Staircase” sequence could feature a a massive ice sculptor with the soldiers running down and killing everyone. Then the sequence when the mother is shot and baby carriage begins to fall could be done in slo-mo, with the carriage being attached to a string and the dead and wounded are all singing, “All power to the Soviets” while the soldiers march (or hit their skates on the ice) in time.