Have you ever had a memory of your childhood when you are pretty sure you owned something, but can’t pinpoint any firm grounding in reality that makes the instance for sure, definitely real and concrete? I seem to recall when I was a youngster I owned a little turntable; it was white and had a picture of Michael Jackson on it. This turntable also came with a floppy 45 of “Thriller,” if my memory – which I’ve learned to distrust – serves me right.
So, here I am, trying to remember myself singing into the microphone (yes, I remember there being a microphone in which you could sing along with the record), probably decked out in whitey tighties and a dinosaur t-shirt, singing “Thriller” at the top of my lungs. But it’s not there; that memory isn’t there. It should be, or at least I think it should – I distinctly remember that record player existing, Michael was wearing a yellow suit with a yellow bow tie, and his name was inscribed in that silly ’80s style fake script font you see on garage sale flyers and poorly put-together neighborhood newsletters.
But what if that didn’t happen? What if that record player never existed, or I never owned it? Then what? Do I trust my mother’s picture-perfect memory of my childhood – the one where I am an excelling youngster, bound for glory as I exceed all of the other children my age in a great search for knowledge? Or do I trust my father’s memory, with me being mostly on my own as a kid, the same sort of perfect child, but this time with a few hints of corruption my mother always leaves out? Could either of them remember this little record player? They don’t remember the McDonald’s Transformers toys I had and lost, something that made me nearly cry when I realized it, as I searched the house, the car, everything.
Perhaps this was a dream I had as a kid – I’ll admit, like most kids my age, Michael Jackson was the sort of pop star I was looking for. On top of his pop-sensibility, he also had that movie where he turned into a robot and a video game where you danced to kill bad guys and saved the kids…and turned into a robot. Maybe I loved Michael so much that I wanted to have this record player I saw in a JCPenney catalog. I could have been sitting there, looking through the catalog (like I did around Christmas time every year) and I saw it, and then dreamed I had it. Now, I remember having it, even though it was nothing more than a dream.
So what does that say for dreams? Perhaps dreams can become reality – you just have to wait 15 years for it to happen, and by that point whether or not you owned the thing doesn’t even matter. If you remember some good times, it doesn’t matter if they really happened or not.
2008 was a year of missed opportunities. Companies, as usual, rushed to the holiday storefronts and delivered lackluster products in order to keep them timely. One company did this more than any other: Ubisoft is the winner of the year for Best Games That Were Almost Perfect Yet Still Managed To Have One or Two Fatal Flaws That Ruined the Whole Game for Many People award. Some of these games were released with regular old bugs, some with game play flaws, some with graphic flaws, and one game was released with no flaws whatsoever, but being the type of game that it is didn’t garner that much hype behind it. Either way, here we go, the rest of the best of whatever it was I got my hands on this year!
Resistance 2 — Action games are usually pretty easy to execute, run kill run kill run kill story run kill run kill. Resistance 2 tries to be something more with absolutely horrid results. The game misses a giant, easy to hop onto barge when it comes to it’s story. *SPOILER ALERT* The plot follows the continued adventures of Nathan Hale, a soldier infected with an alien virus. Yeah, it’s stupid, but being the second game we’ve gotten used to the premise and even might have gotten close to Hale. Quickly that closeness is removed with shotty storytelling and phoned-in voice acting (literally, the voice acting sounds like it was recorded on a analog tapedeck, run through a washer, put out to dry and then played over a phone line to a Radioshack microphone). What’s worse is the fact that the story is so easy to tell that you’re constantly slapping your forehead as you play: Man sacrifices self to save humanity. Easy-peasy yeah? You’d think that Sony, a gigantic company could’ve hired at least one writer for this script right? A script about a man that is willing to die for his country, that, in fact DOES DIE FOR HIS COUNTRY. And how did I feel when I got shot in the face and the game ended? Happy. Thank goodness they killed me, I thought, happy days, I thought, but, why? I was just shot and I don’t care at all. Okay, okay, some of you are screaming that action games don’t need plots, you don’t need to care about your character… my only response is that if action games don’t want plots then don’t tack them on, don’t decide early in the game to kill your main character at the end if you don’t want to attempt to illicit an emotional responce from the player. So, the story was bland and uninspired, big deal. But the game was an action-game, and action games are no-nonsense fun right? Not with Resistance 2, apparently. The game doesn’t reward you for learning its mechanics or trying out new methods, it rewards you for dying. It’s this type of trial and error game play that, although interesting and fun in the 16-bit era, isn’t really interesting or fun now. Sure, it’ll get the job done, but isn’t advanced AI, player choice and a sense of intelligence and accomplishment where the industry should be heading by now?
Dead Space — Ah, survival horror, the genre that seems to be lost and confused and unable to rescue itself. Dead Space promised to revitalize the genre, give us back something, something new and exciting, a story, a universe a world a theory a blast. It was so damn close — but lacking in some major ways. The world that we get is created through out of the box movies, comics and shorts, the world exists around the game, but fails inside of it. Unfortunately, Dead Space’s biggest flaw comes from its ambition. It really wants the player to buy into the world with an inventive HUD, System Shock-esque storytelling and in game cutscenes. Unfortunately, they forgot to make the ship that you spend the entire game on believable as a living habitat. I’ll take the world, I’ll accept the twisted Scientology-esque plot line, I’ll even accept the girlfriend-gone-missing-turned-ghost part, but could we get a little bit of trash on the spaceship? Maybe some bathrooms? A kitchen? I wanted to believe in this game, to inhabit its world, but EA failed on one of the simplest parts. Dead Space 2? Trash? Bathrooms? Ducking?
NHL 09 – I love hockey, but hockey games aren’t really a yearly necessity for me. I’ll pick one up every few years, or even as rarely as once a generation. However, NHL 09 isn’t just another sports game — and regardless of your thoughts on the sport or sports games in general, it’s difficult not to love NHL 09 for what it accomplishes. Not only are the animations, physics, game play, modes and controls all superior to prior versions, it also introduces the closest thing to an MMO for sports nuts ever seen in sports game. Full online leagues, 6 player co-op, experience points, tournaments — this is the WoW for people with a crush on Mike Modano, Warhammer for those of us who dance in glee when a game is actually broadcast in HD. Simply put, NHL 09 is the best sports game in recent history.
Prince of Persia — Wow, I haven’t seen a game get hated on, loved on, and talked about this much in a while. For a game so polarizing you’d think people would have more concrete ideas, but even some of the best critics still seem to be a bit confused about whether or not they actually enjoyed themselves while playing. Personally, I just bought the thing yesterday for less than $30 which means that my expectations for the game are a bit lower than people people that paid $60. If I enjoy the game for 6 hours I’d say that I’d have gotten my money’s worth. PoP is one of the examples of Ubisoft missing it’s mark again, regardless of my own playthrough reactions (the other times being Far Cry 2 this year, and Assassin’s Creed last year). The company is getting damn close to a great game, but keeps on falling short. You can read what many, many others have said about Prince of Persia by following these links:
And that’s pretty much it for me. A few DS games popped onto my screens, some downloadable’s, small stuff that I don’t really feel like going to in-depth about. 2008 was, for the most part, a good year, one that showcased the release of a few games with startlingly large ambitions. It’s those ambitions that make 2009 and beyond so exciting. So what do we in Thoronia want to see in the future? Well…
- New IP Price drops — Games like Dead Space, Mirror’s Edge and Little Big Planet would have been better received had they plopped into the marketplace at $40. Game companies need to remember that games, like all medium benefit highly from word of mouth, and if we all chip in to talk about new titles they’ll eventually sell well. Every other media-industry is willing to give early-adopters a price break, why not video games?
- Reviewers need to judge games based on what they do – It seems like the 20-something nerdballs that have become game-reviewers for the major online sites have got the pretension stick so far up their ass that they’ve forgotten that there are hundreds of different types of gamers out there. We all can’t be fit into the two main categories of hardcore and casual. Reviews need to look at a game and what it is supposed to accomplish and judge accordingly. Oh, and online-centric games like Left 4 Dead or Socom need to be reviewed AFTER the launch. I mean, c’mon, how can you review a game without actually playing it? Oh, and on the same topic, reviewers need to finish the games they review. Too many this year have fessed up after the fact that, “well, I’m only on the third level, but I really like it so far…”
- Games need to find their place — We the community and we the gamers need to let developers figure out what they’re doing this year. We need to give them a bit of lee-way as each director and producer learns their place in video game creation. Not all games are going to fit easily into a category and subsequently not all categories are going to hold all the games. In order to expand the medium into something truly special, gamers need to stop crying foul when a developer tries something new. Actually, gamers and fanboys really just need to shut their mouths when it comes to things they don’t understand. I haven’t chimed in on the goofiness of Gears of War 2 for a very distinct reason — I don’t care. So if you don’t, then don’t say anything. The internet is unforgiving, and trust me, when you’re older, and you google your name and find the stupid things you’ve said, you’ll feel, well, stupid.
- DLC needs to go away, patches need to come quicker — Microsoft, don’t be a bunch of dicks. If a game, especially an online based game launches and needs some patching, let the developer do it quickly. And developers (Bethesda, I’m looking at you), don’t charge us the price of another game for expansion packs. Look, Fallout 3 was great, but I already paid $60 for it. Now you want me to spend another $30 on your expansion packs? The ones that easily could have been included on the disc if you weren’t so keen on getting it out for Christmas? No. No. No. This market isn’t going to sustain you’re stupid additions and you need to look at companies like Valve to understand what keeps gamers happy and ready to come back for more. Free upgrades, map packs and patches.
- Trust us, developer’s we’re smart — Game companies and developer’s need to realize that a growing majority of gamers are intelligent and willing to let a game challenge their mind as well as their ethics. We are well read and understand complex concepts, you don’t need to dumb down, or worse, remove idea’s from games because you think we won’t get it.
- Rereleases and sequels — You know how the movie industry is always made fun of for doing stupid things like My Bloody Valentine 3D? Or Spiderman 3? Well, you’re doing that too. Stop. Come up with new ideas or take a cue from a series like Final Fantasy where a game might just exist in a world, or format — we don’t need to continued versions of your already despicable plot lines. Spiritual successors are all well and fine with us.
- Social Components — Not all games have to be online. Not all games need to shared. We, in an era where games are loved for their multi-player to the point of a lack thereof takes points away from a score, need to remember that playing with yourself can be just as fun and relaxing.
- Downloadable Titles — Which is different than DLC, mind you. The three console networks have at their fingertips the picture perfect distribution system (look at Steam console makers). Unfortunately, this has so far been wasted on titles that would be better suited for an arcade than a living room (or again, back to the rereleases: emulation, Dreamcast games, HD upgrades (wherein they make the game kind of blurry and put some artistic bars on the sides of the screen), and a surprisingly large amount of SCHMUPS on the 360). Of course, there are exceptions, but games like Everyday Shooter and Braid proved that a single person could make an amazing game and get it out to hundreds of thousands of people. Sony , now is your chance to showcase your innovation by latching onto more innovative developers. Quick, while Microsoft is busy trying to update Bad Boys to play on the 360, find a help release more games like Flower and Nobi Nobi Boy. Show PS3 users, even if it’s for pretend, that you’re all about the little guys.
- The Cross-Platform Multiplayer Pipedream – It’s 2009, there are three main consoles and PCs. Most games are developed for at least three of these major four. Add onto that we’re also in a recession were few people own multiple systems. Now, I’m not a huge online guy, I prefer a good single player experience. But games like Call of Duty 4 and Left 4 Dead were great life-distractions (if I didn’t have Call of Duty 4 while I was unemployed I don’t know what I would have done with myself). Unfortunetly, I’m a one console person, and it’s difficult to talk friends into buying the PS3 version of games due to the stigma attached to PSN. Now, if PC games can run on a number of systems I don’t see why I wouldn’t be able to play COD4 with a XBOX, I realize Microsoft is money hungry and loves charging for all of their services, but I’d be willing to sacrifice a little bit of cash for some cross-platform play, and I’m sure others would as well. But then again, maybe that’s why I’m not working in the marketing department anywhere.
The snow outside begins to curve around the windows, wrapping delicately around in shapes of the flower and leaf borders of an old boxing poster. Shapes and images made of ice tangle around the windows edges, if I place myself just right I see my reflection inside the border. The spotlight is on me for that moment. The snow is getting heavier every second, as far as I can tell it’s nearing around five feet, but I have no plans of walking out to check that theory. I’m much more comfortable sitting inside, staring out the imperfectly framed window, letting my mind weave in and out through realms of sex and sadism.
When I hear the telephone ring I tell myself to ignore it. But it continues to ring. I don’t want to answer it. It could be my wife caught in the snow, I tell myself, it could be the pound saying they’ve found my lost dog, I tell myself. It could be my mother with another health ailment, I tell myself. I decide to answer the phone in a frenzy of self-loathing.
-Hello?
I don’t have a dog, I remind myself. My mother is dead, I remind myself. I’m divorced, I remind myself.
-It’s snowing outside.
-Yes, yes it is. Can I help you? Who are you calling for?
-For you silly, I’m calling for you.
I don’t recognize this voice, I don’t give my phone number out, I don’t even leave the house, I definitely haven’t given it to some random, seemingly ebullient man.
-Who is this?
-It’s me, of course, who else could it be?
-I’m sorry; I think you have the wrong number.
-No, of course I don’t, you’re the one I was looking to talk to. Do you have some time?
-I’m afraid I don’t, I’m rather busy. I’m getting ready to eat. I’m working on my sculptures. I’m working on poetry. I’m taking a bath. I have a mystery to solve. I have clothes to mend.
-Not even a minute?
-I’m sorry.
-Then I will call back later.
-You don’t need to call back.
-What time is it now? 16:23? I will call back at 17:08. I hope that works for you, goodbye.
I say goodbye as well, but the man has already hung up.
Before I sit back down I flip the switch on the portable heater, the falsetto hum fills up the room and I cross my legs on the floor. The portrait in the window has shrunk significantly since I last looked out. The border is taking over.
What did he mean, “you’re the one I was looking to talk to?” Why was he looking to talk to me?
I need to eat.
The kitchen is pretty small, but it works for the amount of cooking I do. The oak cupboards are a nice touch, but a pain since they tend not to stay shut. From one of the top shelves I pull down a can of meat that even Philip Marlowe couldn’t figure out the ingredients of, grabbing some noodles with my other hand. Noodles and magical meat.
That’s a real all-star lunch.
While I’m heating up the water I notice a string of sounds outside, the time on the coffee maker reads 17:44, but it seems like it’s always off by about ten minutes. It sounds like a group of pigs being beaten by a southern slave driver.
The sound of whips echoes through the house, numbing the sound of the heater for a few seconds. The water comes to a boil and I toss in my noodles. I let the meat slide out of the can onto a plate, I don’t remember if I’m supposed to cook it or not and don’t particularly care. I pull out the noodles long before they’re done and sit down by the heater with my cold meat and thick noodles. The noodles have the same texture as car tires, the meat tastes like dirty ice caught on a cars bumper. What a beautiful holiday I’ve made for myself in my nice little home. I decide to light a candle to make dinner at least appear to be civil in some way. The pig noises continue for a few minutes before turning to yelps and ending with the smell of fire.
It wasn’t until 19:02 that I looked at the clock again, stupid military time. The snow outside has seemed to subside quite a bit, and the window portrait is already showing signs of growth. It’s hard to say how much snow fell. Flicking on a flashlight all I see is a world covered in snow, the yellow outline of the flashlight glows and sparkles across a sea of white. I suspect the snow had reached about six feet before it began to slow down.
I began to wonder why the man never called me back.
Perhaps he realized that he wasn’t looking for me after all.
At 19:30 the phone rang.
-Hello?
Laughter filled the receiver – that kind of laughter that seems happy enough, but has an undertone of sadness. A deep, bellyful of laughter.
-Hello? I repeated.
The sound continued as I repeatedly questioned the receiver. Hello, I would say, is anyone there? I would echo. I eventually gave up and dropped the receiver hard to the stand. I love the sound a telephone receiver makes when it hits the stand; it’s like a miniature church ringing its bells for tiny people.
I moved into this place about three years ago, it used to be owned by one of my father’s good friends, Robert Leroy Parker. He was a rancher, if I remember right. Since I’ve taken over the possibility of ranching has gone from little to none. I guess it’s global warming, father used to tell me that Utah was a real hot spot, now it just snows.
Robert lived here by himself, raising sheep and cattle. He didn’t talk much about his past. He seemed like the kind of guy that might have been interesting to hear from; at least that’s how I remember it. He left the place first to my father, who lived here for two years before disappearing to South America somewhere with a young woman. We had holiday parties and dinner gatherings up here all the time. When my wife and I divorced it seemed logical that this would be my new home. I haven’t left since. I have my food delivered and my clothes are in good enough shape to be worn by somebody who never leaves his house. It might seem odd in that serial killing mail bombing type of way but I’ve enjoyed myself. I’m not really saying that I’ll be here for the rest of my life, but for now it’s just what I need.
I’m startled back into reality when the phone rings again; I swear I can see dust flying off the thing.
-Hello?
-Snow stopped.
-Yeah, it did. Can I help you?
-Can you spare that minute yet? There’s nothing left to watch out there.
-Why didn’t you call back when you said you would?
-What’s it matter when I call? I only want a minute; it doesn’t matter when it happens.
-You have one minute.
-You’ve lived in that house for what, two and a half years now?
-Three years. How do you know that?
-It doesn’t matter how, it’s the why. You have any protection against snow?
-Snow? Why would I need protection against snow? Who is this? Where are you calling from?
-It doesn’t really matter who’s speaking does it? I mean, the function of speech isn’t a matter of whom; it’s a matter of what. Simply stating “I” gives rise simultaneously to several different selves, who is speaking might change with every word. And frozen water can cause serious damage to a home as old as yours.
-So you’re trying to sell me… what? Snow insurance?
-Of course not. Don’t be absurd. I’m calling to ask you what you want for Christmas, and to make sure that the conditions are good enough that I’ll be able to get there.
-Wait ¬¬- are you claiming to be, who? Santa Claus?
-Do you want gifts or not?
-Listen, I don’t know what you’re getting at here, but I’m really not in the mood to be fooled with today.
-No? Then let’s not fool. What do you want for Christmas? I’ve just updated my systems; I’m all computerized and digital now, telephones and all. No more of that random guessing. Soon enough I’ll have email, but my IT elves really dropped the ball on that one, so we’re stuck making billions of calls.
- I don’t want anything for Christmas. I’m here for peace and quiet.
-Well, what would it take then? You have to need something right? You’re just sitting there staring out the window.
With that I hung up the phone.
40 seconds.
An instant later it rang again, I shorted him about 20 seconds. The phone continued to ring for about six and a half minutes.
The snow outside has definitely stopped.
I have to need something.
It’s cold in here, and I’m hungry again.
What could I possibly need?
At 23:06 I decide to go outside, if I have a crazy chubby stalker with a bellyful of laughter I don’t want to be here when he shows up. I need to fully equip myself. My feet get covered by clunky snow boots with plastic tips, legs and arms are sheathed in Gore-Tex, face masked by a tight cotton knit. I cover my hands with plastic bags and grab my sled, flashlight fixed up tight to the front with duct tape. I grab my world map from a hanging file folder. It looks like Bolivia is to the south, all down hill then I suppose. Should be an easy ride.
So, it’s finals week here in Thoronia, so we’ve been busy dotting our I’s and crossing our T’s in hopes of getting good scores on Presidential Fitness Exams. Since most of our creativity has been spent on these projects, I figured I’d point you around internet-town instead, and maybe you’ll see something you like:
Steve Gaynor, in his blog Fullbright, applies some of Roland Barthes’ (read the essay I’m thinking of here) idea’s to video games in his essay “Being There”. Oddly, he doesn’t actually mention Barthes, but it does bring some interesting arguments about authorship to the table. Worth reading if you want to picture new world with new video game design. It also brings up an interesting point in reference to Barthes’ idea’s, namely that his thoughts can be applied to any medium. I’ve heard of Barthes being taught in design classes, English, math, philosophy, history and so forth. “The Death of The Author” is one of the most applicable and easy to manipulate pieces of modern criticism, and Gaynor proves it (even if he doesn’t know it).
While we’re on the topic of video games, Brainy Gamer takes on immersion in regards to Fallout 3. He talks about this a few times in several other parts of his blog, all of them worth reading. I’m still waiting for more about his students’ take on Fallout 3 though, as I’m really curious as to how they’ll take it after playing through 1 and 2 His students played through FO 1 and 2, and their reactions to 3 can be found here (and yeah, you read that all right, as far as I can tell he teaches a Game class at a college level, but I’m still not too sure of the title of the course… either way, awesome, and something that I look forward to doing myself someday).
Oh screw it, here’s another video game story from the Escapist. Les Chappell’s article, “The Vintage Game Preservation Society” talks a bit about abandonware and copyright issues. But, more importantly has links to website’s that show how to get Syndicate and System Shock 2 running on OSX (or Windows XP for that matter).
Miles of tunnels beneath London are currently for sale. In what sounds like the beginning of a James Bond movie, London has set the price for its historic tunnels at $7.4 billion. Now, I realize that whoever purchases this will probably use it for good, what with its historical importance and all, but at the same time can’t help but wondering what type of evil, world-taking over plan might be able to be hatched from these tunnels. That being said, the Republic of Thoronia is currently in negotiations to take hold of the tunnels. If all goes well we will be moving in on the 1st of January.
Wall-E was released this last week on DVD, ha-za!
Black Friday has come and gone with “only” a trampling and a shooting. Pundits are pointing to the economy for blame on this, saying that this might not have ever happened if we weren’t in such rough economic times. I would argue that this might not have ever happened if we weren’t so driven by money, consumerism and “deals.” It doesn’t matter that we have no money, it matters that this thing I’ve never heard of until just now is HALF OFF (MSRP that is, it’s actually only $15 cheaper than the normal Wal-Mart Price, just FYI). The worst part is that many of these “deals” that happened on Black Friday were available on the internet, and many of them weren’t actually deals at all. Truth be told, American’s really want to risk their lives and karmic well-being in order to fight over Xbox’s and HDTV’s, which is amazingly sad. It’s always a bit disheartening this time of year when you get to actually see what drives people. I realize it’s the same old thing, the same thing said a million times before, and the same thing I’ll say next year… but every year I’m just blown away by how ludicrous our holiday ideal’s have become. Besides, everyone knows the best HDTV deals come after Christmas and before the Super Bowl. Duh.
