The Republic of Thoronia

1. “The Pre-Primary Campaign (The System Boots)” – 0:23

• • I. Front Runners – For upon these men and women the media shall rest its hopes. If chosen wrongly, we shall suffer. If chosen right, may the angels sing blessings upon the world.

2. “Primaries & Caucuses, Caucuses & Primaries” – 16:56

• • I. Iowa – The decider of fates, the revolution begins with you, dear Iowa. Dear Iowa, you have decided our fate, it appears that we’ll sit back and wait, we’ll wait for another date.
    II. Texas and Ohio – McCain is now in the light, so stand up and fight you know we are right.
    III. Stripping Florida and Michigan* – Keyboard solo
    IV. April through June (The Dance of the Giant Hogweed) – Change is for freedom. Freedom. Change. Freedom. Change. Change. Change.

3. “Conventional Partiers throw a Party Convention” – 7:43

• • I. Constitution and Libertarian (Slow and awful builds)
  • II. Green (Handclaps and timeouts)
    III. Reform (Drum solo)
  • IV. Democratic (Climax)
    V. Republican (and Surprise)

4. “The Running of Mates (VEEP-EM&WEAP)” – 3:25

• • I. Biden – Brother to our Zeus, for Biden we shall yield, yield down to our Poseidon of the sea.
    II. Palin – Our Palin, penicillin to your needs. She is Robin to our Batman, she is here to save the day.

5. “A Lively Debate?” – 9:34

• • I. O v M (Warm acoustic guitar)
    II. B v P (Mellotron solo)
    III. O v M (Interlude)
    IV. O v M (Start growing the Campaign Beards)

6. “Swinging States Like Pendulums” – 19:26

• • I. Oh, Colorado – Counting on a state with four right angles.
  • II. It’s True That Florida Matters – Black Matter/Real Fodder.
  • III. Michi-Can – And will decide.

*Theremin accompaniment thanks to Roberta McCain.

All Music Composed By: CAMPAIGN 2008

Played By: The ’08 Players.

Barack Obama: Organ, Mellotron, Piano, Flute, Vibes, Vocals

John McCain:  Bass, Guitar, Maverick, Vocals

Sarah Palin: Guitars, Vocals backing

Joe Biden: Drums, Lead vocal on “Michi-Can”

Guests:

Mike Huckabee: Bass on “Front Runners”

Rudy Giuliani: Conga Drums on “Stripping Florida and Michigan”

Mitt Romney: Percussion on “April through June”

Hillary Clinton: Flute and Backing Vocals on “April through June”

John Edwards: Trombone and Tenor Sax on “Vice-President’s Named”

Vocal Choir on “Swinging States Like Pendulums”: Chris Dodd, Dennis Kucinich, Bill Richardson, Duncan Hunter, Ron Paul, Tom Tancredo, Fred Thompson Tommy Thompson, Ralph Nader, Bob Barr, Charles Baldwin, Cynthia McKinney, Alan Keyes, Gloria La Riva, Brian Moore

Comment on the *ahem* original post here please.

Via [Westword]

Hey there,

Did you know that many of the Thoronian’s are based in Denver, Colorado? It’s true, and many of us are combining our forces to bring you comprehensive coverage of the Democratic National Convention.. from the outside of them. You see, we’re not politicians, Democrats, or, for that matter, important or passionate enough to get into the convention, so for us, well, we get to deal with the silliness that happens outside. Our poor little Denver, uprooted and moved to a National stage, while the rest of us are just trying to do our damn jobs. We’ve already gotten in contact with the folks over at Cycle Jerks, whom will be providing us with a few live tweets and photos (as well as other Bicycle Messengers who get to deal with the blunt sword of the police as well as “new” laws, rules and bike lanes), a Copy Center Manager (who travels to work via bicycle via the Cherry Creek path, i.e. right in the midst of where EVERYONE who gets their free bike for week will be), retail workers (OMG did Barrack Obama send someone to buy the new Coldplay for him! WTFDHDTNROTBA (Why the fuck didn’t he just download the new Republic of Thoronia Band album?), machinery delivery personel, and myself, a mild mannered Medical Records Clerk looking for lunch.

Running up to the events (August 25th-28th), we’ll cover some of the ways Denver has miraculously changed (new bike lanes appearing where car lanes used to be/still are, city streets being cleaned… for a massive amount of people to dirty again, new laws being enforced, security checkpoints, inside the Pepsi Center Parking lot and more).

Anyone else that works downtown or close to it should get in touch with me if you’re interested in eavesdropping on blogger’s Macbook’s, hotel conversations or sexy John Edwards extramarital meetings (Celebrity spotters need too!).

Hello All,

This letter is to officially and honestly announce the Republic of Thoronia Artifacts Exhibit, which will be taking place on September 5th at the Skinny Squirrel Gallery (3047 Larimer St., Denver, Colorado). The exhibit will feature a variety of pieces from collector’s from around the world, with pieces raging in size and scope from booklets to armor, dolls to paintings. Officially licensed exhibitor’s include: Bryan Danknich, Mojiferous J. Colossus, Brandon Knapp and Brent Neustifter, with unofficial applicant’s still waiting approval. The Exhibit will help to found the History of Thoronia in the minds and souls of Denverite’s as well as continue the always running teachings of the Good King Thor. Please feel free to submit your applications for your admissions to this website, and be sure to bring your friends.

As promised, here is a compilation of the live blogging to KBCO (Denver, CO, 97.3) during a day of work. I’ve corrected and expanded several sections. Enjoy.

• Alright, here we go! Right now they are talking about cell phone radiation and the Denver Broncos, no music…But apparently its been “officially” decided that cell phones are no longer (or weren’t ever?) a threat for cancer.
• Ugh, nothing says “Good Morning, you pussy,” like James Taylor. “The worlds most pleasant/boring band.”
• I don’t know what this shit is. Studio C crap that sounds like Matchbox 20. Danial Nathanson? This is pathetic, he’s talking about his journal. Why would you talk about a journal in front of anyone except a cat.
  
• Coworker currently singing along to Sublime. Or a Sublime cover, either way, I’m secretly giggling…
• Every day at this time = Cat Stevens. I like cats, they are cuddly and adorable…
• This new Modest Mouse sounds like old Modest Mouse/The Shins. Not like the last one that sounded like Tom Waits.
• Supertramp cover band with bluegrass instrument? C’mon really? This is terrible! I don’t consider it work friendly at all.
  
• Then next up we get the same fucking B.B. King song they play every goddamn day.
• This Duffy song they play daily. I thought it was Amy Winehouse for the longest time. Not very good — but it’s got that sort of Apple commercial hook that might get you humming along unwantingly.
• I just missed a Tom Petty song. Starting “10 at 10″ with Jesus Jones, “Right Here Right Now.” Are you joking? People actually want to hear this? This song sucked when it came out.
  
• Fucking “Hotel California.” Like we all haven’t heard this a bazillion fucking times.
• Ohhh INXS to Jack Johnson! Brilliant! Lump the two worst songs in KBCO’s library together and you pwn the office folks like a midnight fragfast with Grandma.
  
• Wow Jeff Beck is on now — one of those songs that meshes so perfectly as background noise because you’ve heard it a thousand times.
• Laura Nyro sounds like some crappy 70s R&B.
  
• Oh, “Street Fighting Man.” That’s not fucking predictable. Way to go KBCO! Heaven forbid you pick a great Rolling Stones song and not just a fucking mediocre one (I realize that they broadcast 24/7 and have to pick mediocre songs sometimes, but why pick a mediocre song we’ve all heard repeatedly?)
  
• Marvin Gaye “Heard it Through the Grapevine.” Couldn’t pick a better Marvin Gaye song after “Street Fighting?” Really? Maybe a revolution song? No?
• Now Creedence Clearwater Revival. “Put a Spell On You.” Great High School make-out music!
• The Beatles, “I will.” 1968! You gave us some really great and overplayed songs!
• Oh the new Death Cab for Cutie song is on early today. 10:45!
• I’d rather eat cat vomit than listen to “Desert Rose” ever again. Fucking Sting.
• Green Day, “Time of My Life.” They played this song at my High School graduation (now you figure out the year!). I even learned to play it on the guitar (I don’t play guitar, BTW) Now this song sound’s sappy as ever.
  
• Now I sneak over to NPR for Fresh Air while my coworker is at lunch. Hahahahhaha!
• Subjected to Amy Winehouse before switching channels. I like the Ghostface Killah version better.
  
• Back. This itsmycarnow.com commerial is one of the worst commercials in history. It’s supposed to be like a rap or something. I’d be so freaking embarrased if I made this.
  
• Lunch!
• Oh joy the new Coldplay. It sounds like a high school band covering Pink Floyd without ever hearing actually hearing Pink Floyd.
• I feel like I should have something witty and hilarious to say about Alanis Morrisette, but I can’t think of anything. Isn’t that ironic? Don’t you think?
  
• Another cheesy Green Day song. Hooray.
• Wow. Now another Tom Petty song. What? Did you decide that terrible Moby single from 8 years ago wasn’t cool anymore?
  
• I really dislike the Los Lonely Boys.
• Ah, and the day ends with Us3?!?!? Why are they playing this? And the stereotypical 3:30 pick of Vampire Weekend. I hate this song so much. I knew from day one that this band was going to grow on me like a cancerous bulp.

He is sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Cynthia Mason’s plastic surgery clinic in Denver, Colorado, tapping his foot in eager anticipation. Clad in a tight cowboy shirt and even tighter jeans, 25 year-old Steven Muldue doesn’t appear to be the type of person that you’d likely expect to see in a plastic surgeons waiting room. With a sleek and slightly mussed haircut and an air of vintage vogue, Steven may be a better fit at a high fashion photo shoot or dingy nightclub – his anticipatory foot tapping seems to be to the tune of a straight 4/4 riff, his eyes glossed with a gleam of waiting for a day he thought would never come.

That’s because most thought it never would.

The waiting room has been filling with types like Muldue for the past six months, after a recent surgery by Dr. Mason gave local Radiohead enthusiast Michael Garafalo a treatment that made him look more like Radiohead lead singer Thom Yorke. The treatment, which Dr. Mason perfected by slicing a small section of the eyelid, has been dubbed by local fanatics as the Yorke-cut. In the simplest terms, the $600 surgery gives fans a chance to recreate on their own person the trademark Thom Yorke Amblyopiatic left eye.

more…

via [Westword]