Dear King Thor,
I’ve been reading your blog for several yrs. Like, how much effort would it take to update more often?
Waitin’ Wally
Dear Waitin’ Wally,
It is not within the realm of the Good King’s Knowledge to answer this question, which appears to be a rude comment, which is not okay and not worthy of being commented upon for the sake of the talk of the one and True and Good King. For now then we wait.
Always Yours,
King Thor
Dear Thorin,
Hey man, what’s up? I’ve been listening to Episode 1 and I’m a bit curious of something. In “Here is Where We Are” you say that the King is “Watching over you” but on page 13 of the Second Book of Thoronia, you say “The King neither sees nor cares what happens in your world.” So, which is it?
Utterly Confused
Dear Utterly Confused,
I can see your confusion. However, I think that you’re forgetting about the Adventures of the Good King: the graphic novel. On page 56, when speaking to Athanasius Kircher and William Tell, the Good King mentions that although he watches the people that he has created, he doesn’t really pay attention to what they are doing.
Dear King Thor,
Why don’t you include instrument lists, or band members or anything with your albums?
WTF
Dear WTF,
In Thoronia, we prefer to remain anonymous. But, I suppose that since you asked, we can share a few things. Here are the band members that were involved with the recording of Simoebic Dysentery: ______________ – Roland SH-201. On Episode 1, the instruments included: Accordion, Keyboard, Drums, vocals, spoons, whistling and a computer. Thanks for asking!
King Thor
Dear Thorin,
Why won’t you sing in your real voice? You some kind of pussy?
Sincerely,
Pussy Puncher
What makes you think that I don’t sing in my own voice? For all you know I don’t even exist, and this whole thing is just a complex algorithm that was recorded hundreds of years ago and is playing out on this blog and webpage. The voice is not the voice of a human, or a god, but of a computer. This all exists purely so that you, Pussy Puncher, would have an excuse to live, and now that this wall has been broken, the wizard exposed, you no longer have a purpose.
It’s been snot-wipingly busy here in Thoronia, as the sole provider of funds has been busy fundraising and attending the university. Of course, the university is being attended in order to expand the histories of Thoronia, but for now we’ll just name drop a few interesting things we’ve spotted about the web or on the shelves.
- *If you don’t already know, David Foster Wallace took his own life last week. He was an amazingly astute and unbelievably talented writer — one whom unwittingly contributed to the Thoronian histories in more ways than one. Although much of his work is amazing, my personal favorite is “Host,” a non-fiction article published in the Atlantic three years ago. The online version does it no justice, but I can’t give you all a copy of it in print.
- *Speaking of snot-wiping, a member of Thoronia has started working on an article looking at Super Mario Bros. 3, and I don’t mean just looking — it’s deep analysis of Super Mario Bros. 3 using Freud, uncanny and Oedipus Rex.
- *Speaking of absurdness, curious as to what is being read in Thoronia right now? Here’s the what hit the chopping block pre-August 25th:
- Sarah Vowell — The Partly Cloudy Patriot
- David Foster Wallace — The Broom of the System
- David Mitchell — Ghostwritten
- Haruki Murakami — What I Talk About When I Talk About Running
- *And here is what I got slammed with post August 25th:
- Meredith Brosnan — Mr. Dynamite
- Renee Gladman — Juice
- Patrik Ourednik — Europena
- Adolfo Casares — Invention of Moral
- Anchor Book of New American Short Stories
- Norton Anthology of Theory and Criticism
- Feminist Theory Reader: Local and Global Perspectives
- *On a completely unrelated note, NHL 09 is by far the best sports game ever to grace a console system — better than 94, better than Tecmo Bowl, better than Mutant League.
- *If you’ve ever played Portal, the highly addictive, interesting, amazing, talked about, awesome, sweet ass, puzzle 3D game, than you’ll likely appreciate this video, which sets the amazing end credits song to some typographical fun.
- *I’ve been trying my best to give the most talked about game of the last 5 years a real play through, but Spore seems to me like a remarkably ambitious, creative effort that went bad. It’s one of the most boring games I’ve ever played — web browser flash games have more depth. However, the actual game, what it does, what it accomplishes, and what happens when you stick with it is remarkable — I mean, if you’re into that whole creationist evolution theory (we here in Thoronia know that the Good King Thor created all). I’ll probably hit it up again come my next three day weekend, but for now, I’ll sit awkwardly in disappointment, thinking that perhaps I just didn’t “get it.”
- *Speaking of King Thor, the Republic of Thoronia Band just got a date to play a show. Mark November 7th on your calenders, take the night off work and come on down for some Friday Night Fun at the hi-dive with The Republic of Thoronia Band, Franklin’s Mint and Sunburned Hand of Man. Show starts at 9:00 sharp kids (if you haven’t been to a show at the hi-dive recently, let me tell you, they’ve whipped it into shape, when it says the show starts at 9:00, the show starts at 9:00), and the RoTB will be kicking it off and getting it started!
- *In case anyone was wondering, here are my picks for holiday games of the year: Dead Space, Far Cry 2, Fallout 3, Prince of Persia and Little Big Planet.
